Avoiding “Rookie” Mistakes
Today’s Reading
Assignment
“Food for Thought”
“Execution Scene Stark; Death is Undramatic”
“The Bridge”
Thinking and
Reflection
First, I hope you get the point of “Food for Thought.” If
you don’t, then we have far more work ahead of us than I imagined. Second, I
have used this piece for years. Every time I write something, I think about it.
I want to make sure I haven’t made similar mistakes.
I give this two you because you are rookies. Now, wait.
Before you get made at me for saying that. Let me explain. Years and years ago,
when I wrote as a student reporter for the Daily
Universe, I thought I was pretty good. When I went to the Indianapolis Star, I looked back at some
of my old DU clips. Funny, they
weren’t as great as I had remembered. When I went to the Post, I looked back
again at my clips from the Star.
Funny thing again. The Star clips
were OK, they showed improvement, but they still indicated traces of a rookie
writing. I even repeated this experiment—with the same observations and
results—while editing Toyota Today
magazine in Los Angeles. So, what’s my point? Our writing always has room for
improvement. We improve over time. The more experience we have—and the better
edited we are—the sharper our writing becomes. Eventually, we stop making
rookie mistakes.
I’ve taught writing for a long time. Young writers have a
tendency to try too hard when they write. Sometimes, we call this overwriting.
And, when they do, one of the biggest sins they commit is to pepper their
writing with clichés (hmmm, did I just use a cliché?). It is hard not to do
that sometimes. The best writers find a way to express ideas in new ways. More
importantly, they have learned that the best writing “shows” rather than
“tells.” To “show” requires drama, storytelling techniques that bring the
reader into the moment of the story. They feel it, they experience it, they see
it. Using a cliché accomplishes none of this.
Good Writing is
Dramatic
Take a look at “Execution Scene Stark; Death is Undramatic,”
from the Atlanta Constitution. This
is a story about the execution of a prisoner in Florida. Let’s answer some
questions:
·
What techniques has the writer used to bring us
into the story?
·
How does the use of time (noting specific times)
and to the emotional tension of the story?
·
How does the writing style reflect the sense of
“starkness” that the writer is trying to convey?
Good Writing Uses
Contrast and Even Irony
I should also add that good writing has a certain rhythmic
quality to it. No one was better at capturing these qualities than Gay Talese.
When I think of his writing, I think of a certain craftsmanship. It was simple,
clean and crisp. Like Hemingway, he wrote with a certain tightness and
precision—using words sparingly, yet brilliantly. Here’s what Talese had to say
about his own writing:
The new journalism,
though often read like fiction, is not like fiction. It is, or should be, as reliable as the most reliable
reportage although it seeks a larger truth although it seeks a large truth than
is possible through the mere compilation of verifiable facts, the use of direct
quotations, and adherence to the rigid organizational style of the older form.
The new journalism allows, demands in fact, a more imaginative approach to
reporting, and it permits the writer to inject himself into the narrative if he
wishes, as many writers do, or to assume the role of a detached observer, as
others do, including myself.
I try to follow my
subjects unobtrusively while observing them in revealing situations, noting
their reactions and the reactions of others to them. I attempt to absorb the
whole scene, the dialogue and mood, the tension, drama, conflict, and then I
try to write it all from the point of view of the persons I am writing about,
even revealing whenever possible what these individuals are thinking during
those moments that I am describing. This latter insight is not obtainable, of
course, without the full cooperation of the subject, but if the writer enjoys
the confidence and trust of his subjects it is possible, through interviews, by
asking the right question at the right time, to learn and to report what goes
on within other people’s minds.
(from McQuade and Atwan,
Popular Writing in America, 2nd edition)
So, let’s take a look at the opening paragraphs from one of
my Talese favorites, “The Bridge,” which appeared in Esquire magazine in
December 1964. This is a story about the men (and women) who build some of the
largest bridges and construction projects in our country.
They drive into town
in big cars, and live in furnished rooms, and drink whiskey with beer chasers,
and chase women they will soon forget. They linger only a little while, only
until they have built the bridge; then they are off again to another town,
another bridge, linking everything but their lives.
They possess none of
the foundation of their bridges. They are part circus, part gypsy—graceful in
the air, restless on the ground; it is as if the wide-open road below lack for
them the clear direction of an eight-inch beam stretching across the sky six
hundred feet above the sea.
When there are no
bridges to be built, they will build skyscrapers, or highways, or power dams,
or anything that promises a challenge—and overtime. They will go anywhere, will
drive a thousand miles a day and night to be part of a new building boom. They
find boom towns irresistible. That is why they are called the “boomers.”
Now, a final thought or two.
Good writing doesn’t take
as many words as you think.
So, what do you think? How has Telese used contrast and
irony? How does Talese use language and rhythm to move the story along? How are
adjectives and description used here? How much information is conveyed in a relatively
few short sentences?
So, how do these two examples compare with “Food for
Thought”? Do you see the difference? Take a look again at “Food for Thought.” I
would like you to count the clichés in the opening three paragraphs. How many
are there? More importantly, what is the author trying to communicate? How do
clichés actually obfuscate the meaning of a story?
Blog Assignment [Due Jan. 13 @ 5 p.m.]
OK, I’m sending you out on a walkabout. I want you to wander
your neighborhood until you observe a scene of some kind that might be of
interest to your readers (yes, think like that). You are going to write the
first three paragraphs of this story in two different ways: First, write it
(three paragraphs worth) using as many clichés and trite phrases as you can
work in. Next, write it again (three paragraphs worth), this time channeling
your inner Gay Talese (or favorite writer of your choosing). Finally, give me a
paragraph that tells me what you have learned about your own personal writing
style from this assignment and how you can improve.
It was finally feeling like winter in Provo, Utah. Sad but true. Truth be told, no one was very happy about it. Snowflakes fell from the sky and actually stuck to the ground, piling up on the grass and trees. Anyone going outside now needed a coat, boots maybe even an umbrella to ward off or wade through the falling flakes.
ReplyDeleteMad as wet hens they might have been, the students still walked out of the Marriott Center doors with purpose, heading back toward Brigham Young University’s main campus buildings. Like so many birds taking flight together, the students formed one large mass that split two ways—some going under the tunnel directly outside the Marriott, others taking the stairs upward. Both groups would meet at the bridge over the road and together would re-enter the main square of campus.
Tuesday’s devotional had just wrapped up, and those brave enough to battle the elements had walked up to the Marriott Center. Students were leaving the building spiritually edified and invigorated for the rest of the day. It was back to work, classes, homework and everything in between that a college student juggles in their daily lives.
Winter had arrived. The past days of sun and relative warmth seemed a distance memory as snowflakes floated down to rest on the grass and trees of BYU’s campus. Coat-clad students streamed out from the Marriott Center, pulling hats and hoods over their heads, combining into a massive throng headed back toward the main campus buildings.
They strode with purpose through the slick slush gathering on the sidewalks, ready to return to their worlds of textbooks, essays and projects, after listening to the words of the speaker at the weekly, Tuesday devotional. The seats were hard and crammed too closely together, but that was a price all were willing to pay for a chance to hear inspired words and feel the Holy Ghost.
And there they went—returning to their jobs, classes and homework readily and even excitedly. The sea of bobbing backpacks splitting two ways: sweeping up the stairs and marching under the walkway only to converge as they crossed over the street on the bridge that would lead them back to the main square of campus, back to study in the library or sit down in a class, back to the life of a student.
I learned that it’s difficult for me to think or write differently. In the first set of three paragraphs, I struggled to write the way we were supposed to—using clichés and trite statements. It took me much less time to write the second set of paragraphs because when I first observed the event I wanted to write about, I automatically began thinking of ways to describe what I was seeing. So I’m worried that both of these sets of three paragraphs are going to sound nearly the same. I think I need to improve on my ability to write about the same thing in different ways.